Posts

Showing posts from August, 2020

September checking direction: Horseshoe Spread

Image
Spread from here (again) 1.  Recent Past: The Moon 2. Present: Eight of Cups 3. Immediate Future: Ten of Wands 4. My attitude: The Lovers 5. Other Factors: The Fool 6. Obstacle: Knight of Cups 7. Likely Outcome: Queen of Swords Wow. The card I pulled for me/my attitude this month, The Lovers, is the card I pulled for my 2020 annual spread to symbolize this month too. It's been on my mind since the beginning of the year- what about September would be coming to fruition, joining of all parts of myself (my life/my work/my projects). This year has certainly not gone the way I planned, any of it. Here we are. The recent past is Moon: introspection, some internal wildness and searching with not full clarity even of what it is I want. This day, August 31 is my last day "officially" as a non-tenure track person. I can leave this painful era behind (Eight of Cups) and move into a new unknown (The Fool). There are many challenges ahead, just even in the next two

8/24/20: thinking about academia

Image
I begin faculty orientation tomorrow at New U. I only today submitted final grades for my last classes at Old U. I'm feeling both ambivalent and nervous about this transition. Maybe excited to get research and writing done(?) but not about the politics and bureaucracy of a new institution. With this on my mind I pulled three cards tonight: This seems to show a journey- my journey- these past few years since getting my PhD. Five of Pentacles is showing the struggle, the being left out in the cold to fend for myself with little support, and wanting to find safety and warmth, and community. Financial loss and poverty (bankruptcy and hella moves!). A hard battle to fight. Ten of Cups, in the present position, seems to signal that I've reached the end of this first part of the journey- which makes sense as I've "achieved" the thing I've been working towards all these years- a tenure track job. (Abundance, not just material but also emotional, spiritual, rel

Checking direction: Horseshoe spread

Image
Borrowing from Lady Tarot's horseshoe spread , I pulled these cards when asking about my current path/worries with work (writing, exhibition, classes) that feel overwhelming: Beginning with card 4 ( 4 of Swords ): I am burned the F out! It's hard to focus or see situation clearly because I am just in it. 1. Recent Past: 4 of Wands 2. Present: 10 of Pentacles 3. Immediate Future: The Hierophant 4. My attitude: 4 of Swords 5. Other Factors: 10 of Wands 6. Obstacle: 7 of Pentacles 7. Likely Outcome: King of Wands Reading this holistically, I can narrate the story that in the past (even up to this spring), I've been working and hustling to build stability and a career/life for myself that is secure (4 of Wands) and where I can grow new opportunities. This current moment should be one of reaping the rewards and letting them in (10 of Pentacles), but it feels impossible to see/do that because I am so burned out (4 of Swords, 10 of Wands). The upcoming stress of s

Pyramid Spread

Image
The Assens-Flournoy Pyramid Spread  Q: What is going on with my relationship? 0: X Wheel of Fortune It feels circular, indeterminate. We keep ending up where we started. What is still unresolved? 10: III The Empress I want to be seen as special / I want to be special or adored as one. I also believe I have the power to change the situation if I can just control my heart and model a different way of being. But it's not working. What do I need to do instead? 3: VII The Chariot Go my own way- on my own path. I have new places to go and other paths to forge. I am a badass bitch and can't be held back any more! What keeps me here then? 7: I The Magician A belief in transformation, in things somehow magically changing? What do I really want? 1: II The High Priestess Knowledge of myself. Mastery of my logic and emotions, somehow. A better understanding of how to integrate my personal life with my work life, even if this balance with this person doesn't serve

Weekly Draw 3: Courtroom Drama

Image
How can I be the best tarot reader that I can be? Cards 1-4, add up, if number greater than 21, reduce by adding the two digits. Fool (0)+ Sun (19) + Wheel of Fortune (10) + The Hermit (9) = 38, 3+8= 11 (Justice is 5th Card) Justice:  the answer. I can be a strong tarot card reader if I use the deck to read fairly for myself and others, to answer difficult questions and to sort out issues The Fool:  Affirmative ( what is on my side, what good energy to work with) What is on my side. My exploration of the deck / the reading as open to possibilities. Creative readings and learning from the cards. No expectations of outcomes. The Sun: Negative   (negative energy, what works against me) Maybe always wanting to see the bright side of things, which won't always be the case. The desire to please others or paint a rosier picture than the reality of what I'm seeing in the cards. Wheel of Fortune: The Judge   (helps clarify the decisions made and provides advice) Half d

Challenging "Good" and "Bad" Cards

Image
The Devil is the most challenging card for me- it looks dark, evil because it is. The chains that bind the two humans/demons looks heavy. It shows bondage and lack of freedom. This energy of chaos might be good to indulge in sometimes when you need to just not give a fuck. Might it not be a good escape at times? Or... this could be a good thing in recognizing you DON'T want to dissociate through vices, and change course before you get into this bondage situation. Strength  is one of my favorite cards because she seems content with herself. She doesn't need to stare back at you, she knows her worth and that she is worth admiring and looking at without even trying. A negative aspect of this card might be that you are distracted/looking away/not seeing what you need to see. You might also need to acknowledge your power is never from you alone- you always have help (the lion) and others you rely on!

The Fool's Journey

Image
The Fool begins her journey meeting The Magician.  From the magician she learns about communing powerfully with the natural world, and drawing on relationships to nature and the earth to build relationships with self. Meeting the Magician is a reminder that there is beauty and things unknown in the world- things that cannot be explained by logic/rules. The Fool then meets The High Priestess , who is more reserved. From the openness of the Magician, we go to the more withdrawn or wary High Priestess, who advises one to intuit your own knowledge, balanced by outside knowledge. She can be a bit black and white at times, but tries to find fairness and balance of knowledge. The Empress is a formidable figure, who shows the Fool what growing up into Femme power can really look like. The Empress takes no shit, but rules with love. The Emperor is intimidating too, with a hard-set face and a colder demeanor. From the Emperor the Fool learns how to set hard boundaries, to be cold or cl

Tarot Course: Major Arcana Signs & Symbols

Image
What do these symbols mean? How might you interpret these cards in a reading if you focus on the symbols?  The Empress The crystals behind her are connection to to the blessings/gifts of the earth- alchemy and change after pressure. She has a heart/woman sign at her feet- ruling with femme strength and love. She's regal- has crown and gold earrings but doesn't seem ostentatious- she has power and status, but power from within, she wears the crown, the crown doesn't wear her. The Star I very infrequently draw this card. A woman with two full jugs, one pouring water back into the pond, the other watering the grass. Nurturing what doesn't have the element, and what does (fill both). A crane takes off in flight behind her, pointing towards the star/s in the sky- a journey but not sure where to. Woman is looking downwards, kneeling, one foot in water the other on land- straddling emotion/water, and more grounded things/material practicality. Growing / helping t

New deck interview spread: Modern Witch Tarot

Image
1. Tell me about yourself- what is your most important characteristic? Ace of Swords new projects / ideas. starting new endeavors - cutting to the quick. beginnings rather than endings- to check in about where i am going at the start of a journey 2. What are your strengths as a deck? 9 of Swords can this help me parse out what decisions/fears are based on old anxieties and triggers? Versus what is real, an actual problem or issue. Separating out feelings from reality. 3. What are your limits as a deck? Eights of Swords Like any deck, I read what I want to read out of the deck. If I"m not clear, then the reading isn't clear. 4. What are you here to teach me? Queen of Cups That it's ok to have feelings? That I can be passionate about my work and things I put my time into - my projects and ideas could and should be guided by love 5. How can I best learn and collaborate with you? Knight of Pentacles Follow the signs. This is a card of putting nose to gri

8/5/20: Seven of Pentacles

Image
I've lost track of the days and have been slack on the tarot class because I am drowning in work- and yet don't feel like I've done any work at all. Feeling like I'm operating in panic / scarcity mode and not able to focus on one thing, because everything is pulling me at once. This feels like a time of a lot of possibility and growth, and also I am scared of making the wrong decisions and messing this up. I need to remember to draw on Seven of Pentacles energy to be aware of what needs to be protected (my time, my writing, my relationships) and what I can let go of hoarding (fear of scarcity, loss).

Week Ahead: August 3-10

Image
1. My week as a whole: Page of Pentacles Learning, putting in the work towards new (material/life) endeavor. New job prep and moving forward/learning how to re-start the exhibition. Learning how to be on a routine that is productive and serves me. 2. Something unexpected that will arise: 1 of Knives Needing to take a stand/stand my ground. Being fiery in speech/action.  Saying yes/setting boundaries/saying no to something else. 3. How I can stay grounded and balanced: Wheel of Fortune Remember that the only constant is change. I can't control everything, even if I want to or try to. 4. Important emotion I will feel this week: Seven of Pentacles Need to rest, take a break from the work. Consider where I can best invest my time and resources for the long-term, not just for right now. 5. Something that will inspire me: Three of Cups Community, collectivity, chosen family. Femme / queer connection! 6. How my spirit guides speak to me this week: Six of Pentacles

New Deck Interview: Star Spinner Tarot

Image
1. Tell me about yourself. What is your most important characteristic? King of Swords/Knives King of Swords=embodiment of intellectual authority. Can be detached, cuts to the quick of a matter with no hesitation. Can give "fair" answers, clarity on decision making. 2. What are your strengths as a deck? Eight of Coins/Pentacles Eights of coins is bout setting up foundations for long-lasting work. This deck might help me to do that. This deck can help me understand what I need to pay most attention to, give the most amount of detail/effort to. 3. What are your limits as a deck? Seven of Coins/Pentacles May not be helpful if I am indecided/burned out. I need clarity in order to ask the right questions of myself and of the deck. Might also be that deck does not lend itself to "restful" readings, might always drive me to take the path associated with work/progress/forward movement. 4. What are you here to teach me? Seven of Wands "Under siege"

8/1/20: Temperance

Image
This card urges moderation and balance. I'm feeling consumed by work but want to hold onto summer relaxation for just a little while longer. August 1, and it's one month closer to the end of time at UW and beginning of new venture with UM. Been having anxiety dreams the last few days while "on vacation" because my anxiety about work won't let my brain fully rest. There has to be another way. I will use today to get work done, but also make time for some pleasure and connection to others. I can begin modeling, in little ways every day, how to live a life that isn't so out of balance. I don't need to work all the time to be a good, or successful, person.