8/24/20: thinking about academia

I begin faculty orientation tomorrow at New U. I only today submitted final grades for my last classes at Old U. I'm feeling both ambivalent and nervous about this transition. Maybe excited to get research and writing done(?) but not about the politics and bureaucracy of a new institution.
With this on my mind I pulled three cards tonight:


This seems to show a journey- my journey- these past few years since getting my PhD. Five of Pentacles is showing the struggle, the being left out in the cold to fend for myself with little support, and wanting to find safety and warmth, and community. Financial loss and poverty (bankruptcy and hella moves!). A hard battle to fight. Ten of Cups, in the present position, seems to signal that I've reached the end of this first part of the journey- which makes sense as I've "achieved" the thing I've been working towards all these years- a tenure track job. (Abundance, not just material but also emotional, spiritual, relational). At least with this, for now, I can/should celebrate my accomplishments even if it is nerve-wracking and definitely will not be easy sailing. The Hanged One I'm less sure about. One on hand, perhaps this is telling me to ease my foot off the pedal a little bit, and not get so worked up about what I can't anticipate yet. To suspend judgment or even hasty action at this moment, and to be patient and reflective. On the other, I feel like this might be telling me that it can go either way- this new opportunity could open up a lot for me, or it could be a spectacular failure. But I just don't have the information yet to know whether this "gift" is really that. 

Advice from the cards seems to be: recognize how far I've come. Take a moment to be proud of myself, and recognize I don't have to keep fighting for a seat at the table. I am here. The next steps are / will reveal themselves to me with time.