Feb 23: Grief and transformation

 

XIII Kamatayan-The Sulod Trio (Death)

A figure in a chrysalis in the middle, three faces on each corner, a table set at bottom (an offering? a meal?), two hands reaching down from the sky to cradle this figure in the middle. Is it a wrapped baby or a doll? Is it asleep, just awakening? Dead?

From the creator's IG: Today's card is "Kamatayan" Depicting the Sulod trio of Mangganghaw, Manglaegas and Patag’aes. and in traditional Tarot this is known in the Major Arcana as XIII- Death. For the next 78 days I will be drawing one Tarot Card per day for a deck of Cards that I will be creating expressing from my spirit, my own interpretation of these symbols, influenced by my ancestry as a Pilipinx. 

Elsewhere on IG: The Sulod Trio has shown up to remind us that it is necessary to experience death, whether figuratively or literally, in order to experience change. There is beauty in our mortality, it gives us a greater appreciation for life. Throughout life we will go through stages & will be constantly shedding old versions of ourselves as we evolve. Now’s a great time to sit back & reflect on your journey thus far. We must let go of old truths in order to establish new ones to live by. It’s a favorable time to manifest & transform.

More on Souls in Filipino Culture (Wikipedia):

Sulodnon – the soul is called umalagad; the soul is watched over by three divine brothers; the first brother is Mangganghaw, who keeps track over a person's affairs after marriage, including pregnancy, where he visits the house of a laboring mother to peep and see if the child was born; the second brother is Manglaegas, who, after having the reports of Mangganghaw, enters the house to see the child to make sure the child is alive; the last brother is Patag’aes, who, after getting the reports from Mangganghaw, waits until midnight to enter a house and have a sacred conversation of life and death with the infant; if someone eavesdrops, the infant dies through choking; the sacred conversation revolves around on how the infant wants to live and the infant's preferential way to die; the infant always gets to choose his or her death preference; after the conversation, Patag’aes uses a measuring stick, computes the infant's life span, and leaves the house; once a person dies, the soul travels to an anthill near the deathbed; around the anthill, the stream Muruburu appears, where the soul removes its funeral vestments and bathes in its lake to remove the scent of incense called kamangyan; after changing clothes, the souls goes into a journey into Lima’awen; in that realm, the soul faces Bangla’e, who ferries the soul across the realm until it arrives in the stream Himbarawen, which has a bridge guarded by Balagu; the soul afterwards travels to the entrance of Mount Madia-as (Madyaas) until it reaches a cockpit, where the soul's relatives welcome it; cockfight betting, feasts, and dressing is made; if the soul is underdressed, it will haunt its living relatives for negligence; after the feasts, the soul is brought to a rest house where it waits for a ritual to restore its body in the lowerworld

Anim Ng Balahbo Ng Ibon- Six of Swords

Wounded warrior. Has made it through the battle with more to go, but determined. This figure is a person on a boat being "rowed" by a bird through the sky. Not alone. There is a winged guide with you, even if you can't see them. I asked my cards if Orby had a message or lesson for me. Today is his 12th birthday. You are never alone, even when it feels like you are. 

From Little Red Tarot: "In its simplest sense, the Six of Swords advises you to begin or continue the process of moving on. This may be easier said than done, but accepting and embracing your own healing journey is the core message of this card.

Healing is transformational. Experiences that may once have been painful or buried deep gradually become a part of your life that you can learn from. Part of who you are, but not you. They are with you, not of you. It is time for healing to take place, or perhaps it is well underway. You’re moving on. 

You’ve seen some tough times – perhaps recently, perhaps long ago – and are moving beyond them. You won’t forget what you’ve seen, but will learn to lean on these lessons in the next chapter.

Allow yourself to be helped and supported if you need to. You don’t have to do this alone. The Six of Swords can advise counselling and other forms of therapy, anything that helps you to turn experiences into lessons.

Know that there is no need to rush this process. Trust that it is happening."

Pito Ng Binhi- 7 of Pentacles

Giving and receiving, long term labor. Six people (woven hats are the coins/pentacles) working together in the middle to harvest rice or to wave something. A hand that's giant comes from this circle to pinch a mound of rice below them. Everyone needed to make it happen- a collective endeavor. Also a long term labor of work. Need to rest to see the bigger picture

From Little Red Tarot: "Whatever you’re busy with right now – take a moment. Step back. With your nose pressed up against your Very Important Work, it can be hard to see what’s needed. The Seven of Pentacles asks you to take your time. Get the bigger picture, a wider perspective."

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This makes sense as a whole. I asked a question related to Orby, and he was on my mind very much today as it's his birthday. I also made an appt for a vaccine and am having such mixed emotions about this - survivors guilt, fear, anxiety, relief, hope, grief. This spread is very tied to this past year of living without my dear companion. Letting him go in the way that I did, at the beginning of the Covid lockdowns, felt just so sudden and cruel. It also felt terribly drawn out because it was exhausting to care for him in those last six weeks. I couldn't save him or protect him any more than I did. I have felt so powerless in the aftermath of his death, under the weight of a global pandemic that has ended life as we all know it. There has been no real time to rest or to mourn or grieve properly. I don't know if I will be able to ever, given this past year of collective trauma. I feel emotionally wrung out, exhausted. I want to put my nose in my books/research and focus on projects but that also feels impossible. I've already been doing that but it is a lot to carry/hold/repress. Just all this grief and feelings. How to move on/move through this? I will try to journal a bit more this week, especially after tomorrow (fingers crossed I can actually get this vaccine) and spend some reflective time with my feelings, instead of stuffing them down under this schedule of (over)work.